Wednesday, May 30, 2012

On leechblock and why it didn't work for me and finding a mountain

I installed Leechblock in a fit of trying to get myself to be productive.

And it didn't work.

It didn't work for several reasons - chief of which was the fact that I quickly discovered that I could STILL access the blocked sites on Internet explorer instead of Firefox.


Ok it semi worked - I.E is almost painfully slow and it would freeze my entire computer every time I used it for any of the blocked sites.

The second reason it didn't work is because I had foolishly listed blogger as one of the sites to block. I didn't realize it then, but I needed blogger. I needed an outlet. I needed to write things that didn't sound like I had something stuck in my bum. Because that's mostly how hyper formal letters sound and I spend a lot of my time writing those.

I really really needed to come on here, this space and blather on about extremely random nonsense like walking home, sunsets, my driving instructor and the blueberry scone I just ate which didn't have enough blueberries.

Finally - I didn't get more productive. I just found other ways to access sites and waste time I would have wasted anyway. I realized that getting onto blogger and blathering my wool gathering ways to the world was how I got rubbish out of my head and that after that, I could miraculously do my work.

So now I have this ton of writing-ness that has been all blocked up within me for a few months and I'm bursting to say all manner of  inconsequential things. 


The main thing i wanted to write about today is Neil Gaiman's commencement address and the random thoughts I had which are mostly not really about Neil Gaiman at all.

I agree with some stuff he said but the first thing and the main thing that struck me was how he'd never gone to university. Never even started - he said. He didn't have a plan. He just had a list and he talked about how he kind of knew where he wanted to go ....

"And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain."

And this reminded me of David. My driving instructor. Only the kindest most patient driving instructor who was like a father figure to me.

David taught me how to drive straight. I couldn't before because I kept thinking that the car was veering to one side or the other and I kept trying to "correct" it. So he told me to look into the distance, look further away and miraculously, if you do that, you really will drive straight. I drove straight, passed my driving license and stupidly forgot to stay in touch with David.

I wish I had. It's one of the regrets that will never go away. I wish I could have emailed him and told him about my getting married. I wonder how his kids are doing and whether his grand child is healthy.

So it occurred to me that I've always looked at the short term goals. The immediate road ahead. Not the mountain. Not the distance. Just the tarmac in front of my nose. 

Then I realized I'd gone to university - twice - because I didn't know what I wanted to do. Both times. I had no idea what mountain I ought to be looking out for. What mountain? And where?

To do for this weekend:

Find the mountain.

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