I have been out of step and out of whack with everything in my life and at almost every stage of my life.
Sometimes, I think I am just happy to be still alive, still able to laugh and still healthy. And today when I read this blog entry I felt this sense of relief so huge that I am not quite able to articulate its boundaries.
I think I really just needed to know that there are people out there who haven't lived their lives according to the normalcy rules set down by religion or society. I haven't suffered a mental illness before but I've been places and done things I sincerely hope most other people will never get to experience.
This has always made me feel, will always make me feel....somewhat scarred and more than a little damaged. And the reason I try not to think about certain events, or remember too much, is because I'm always a little afraid that my darker memories will engulf whatever joy, happiness or positivity I have in my life and swallow me whole.
But recently, I've started praying and asking...for someone ( hopefully a girl someone) to help me make sense of what happened. To help me connect back the bits of what happened and walk me through accepting it.
I'm taking a few months off. The job hunt will resume when I've weighed up my priorities and figured out the next step.